Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, well, it was just security, no fire. Yeah, people were in the jammies. Hahaha, my parents do the same. I could never be that free. 

Yeah, I think I will say something. I don't know how it's an odd conversation around timing and all that. 

Oh wow, that is so cool. I bet you love reading then. I like reading, but I can't see it. It's still just as good; well, that's all I've known, lol. 

I know you like doing that, and I'm here now, so you can share anything you like with me. 

Well, I wouldn't say I am improving, but honestly, the past three or four months have been hard because of a lot of stuff going on. 

We go over whatever I have on my mind; if I don't have much, he might mention something to work on. 

@ENKELI, you are such a kind soul. I wish one day we could have a hug. You mean the absolute world to me, and I'm so happy to be back talking with you. I've missed you so much you really don't know. 

Well, I did say last week that I'm not sure where we are going, but I think we need to relook over our goals, and hopefully, things will start to get better. It's just hard when unexpected things I didn't think would happen happen, and then we get diverted for three months going over that. 

I don't want to move to someone new because it would take so much more time, money, and effort starting from day one. I don't want to spend another year not being able to cry in front of a psychiatrist, so I will stick with my current. He is pretty good overall; we have just had a few hiccups and misunderstandings. 

What do you mean regarding your last sentence? 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 there are some things that can't be discussed on an open forum- like you might say there are other things going on that you can't go in to. I understand that everything we write is monitored and I know the reason behind it, I just wish there was the option to have a conversation between just you and I. 

The forum is here for our benefit and needs to be kept safe though.

Lol I made a mocha a while ago and forgot about it, but my travel mug is so good it's still nice and hot! Duh, getting forgetful!

I'm a bit tired today, actually I have had almost 2 weeks with broken sleep. I'm hoping that now my stress is going down I'll sleep better. Having you back has been a huge bonus, I was skipping and singing around the house yesterday!

One day we'll be in the same city and we'll catch up and be able to have hugs and laughs and share stories over lunch 🫂 🤗 

I agree with you staying with your psych. Your journey is yours and only you can determine what your needs are. I think because we process things differently is part of why we are so close. You have given me advice I wouldn't have thought of and I hope in some way I have helped you. Remember princess, my thoughts and opinions are mine and I would never expect you to change what works for you. What I love is that you quite often make me think.

And yes, I love reading. I always have. As a kid I preferred reading to watching TV. 

So what did you do today?

I forgot to take photos of my diamond paintings too, must do that later.

[Birdofparadise8]

Ah, yes, very much so. 

Oh, I hope it was okay. You must have a good travel mug.

Oh no, why has your sleep been broken? I'm happy your stress is going down. 

Aww. Did you tell your brother? 

Yes, that would be amazing. 

Yes that is very true. You always help me @ENKELI, just being able to say hello is so good. 

That's good to know. I hope I help you think in a positive way. 

Are you reading anything at the moment? 

I just did some physics stuff for my lab tomorrow at 8:30 am. 

Oh, and guess what? My work starts at 6:30 am some days. It's so early, yet I don't mind it. 

All good. I did see in your photos that you posted one that was like Mandela, I think. 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 making me think is always a good thing!

It was the one thing I always missed with ex friend. I don't think she ever had an original thought the 10 years I knew her. 

It's a Tupperware travel mug. When I'm on my PC I'll send you a link that shows it. I'm really impressed with it.

I was in the lounge room when I saw your first message and after we'd been chatting I ran...well skipped to my brothers room and said "BoP is back!" and jumped up and down like a 5 year old.

He laughed.

I'm not sure why I haven't been sleeping, I'm trying to go to bed later, so hopefully that will help.

I'm reading a couple of Christian books at the moment. Self help and learning how to let go of the hurt caused by other people. 

I started watching The Umbrella Academy, have you seen it? I'm only in the middle of Season 2 as I was watching other shows as well.

Have you been reading along watching anything good?

[Birdofparadise8]

Oh really, that's interesting. She didn't have many original thoughts.

Okay, cool, that would be good for work. 

Hahaha, that makes my day. 

Hmm 

Se lf-help books can be so good. 

I'm rewatching Grey Anatomy at the moment lol. I've read the first to die by James Patterson and it ends with us by Colleen Hoover. I went and saw the movie last week.

I hope you don't mind I'm really tired and ice got to be up early for uni tomorrow. 

I hope you have a good night and sleep well. 

Do you have many plans tomorrow? @ENKELI 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 not at all princess, you need your rest.

I won't be doing much tomorrow, so check in when you're free.

Sleep well xoxo 😘 

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @ENKELI 

How are you? 

I had my physics lab this morning on friction. 

Then, straight after, the outreach lady I had started seeing came by, and we chatted about what had happened recently. She said she would talk to my pdoc before I see him on Wednesday as she thinks my meds need to be reviewed. It's good being able to have the outreach part of the clinic I see the pdoc. 

I had a class after at 12:30 to 2:30 and was working on a risk assessment for a litter audit I will be doing in a few weeks. 

I spoke to my mum on the phone a couple of times, and now I'm just working on the lab report before I go to the games night. It's from 6:30 to 9:30. Some drinks and food are included. I am looking forward to it. 

I officially found out when my psych is away in October - November, so I am going to have to plan how I will cope when that comes up. If it's anything like I am now, I am a bit scared. I can just imagine myself being at the end of the session and being like, okay, see you in three weeks, and want to break down. Oh, the outreach lady said I am building a dependency on him. I just don't know how to not make it get worse or how I can stop it. I will have to talk about that as well with him. 

I hope your day is going well. What are you up to tonight? Do you and your brother ever have Friday night takeaway night? 

How is your mouth? 

Here is some physics for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZVgKu6v808 

[Birdofparadise8]

New album out @ENKELI @ArraDreaming 

You might like it. 

Hero is making me a bit sad. He must have a lot of pain. 

https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_kTlPHQIbLhSrkoJj6cuIriYy5j7YFyeK4 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 hey princess, sounds like you've had a busy day. I have not done much, stayed in bed and read for a while and now I am going through emails etc.

I need to make an appointment with my dentist, I avoid making phone calls for some reason, not sure why but I have to really work myself up to make the call. Another lovely MI side effect.

I'm glad you have an outreach lady to talk to, that is a big help for you I can imagine. Do you think you need to have your meds reviewed? 
I agree with her that you are developing a dependency on your psych. You shouldn't be getting anxious that he is not going to be around for 3 weeks, that's not good for you. He is supposed to be helping you gain independence and teaching you how to cope.

I'm glad you have something on tonight, it sounds like fun. I am praying you get to meet some nice people too, because you deserve to find some friends my sweet girl.

Bro and I used to have Friday night take away, now it's not as regular, although we did get KFC last week. I had a voucher for a meal deal and couldn't be bothered cooking!

I can't remember the last time before that I had any takeaway though

Here is the link for my travel mug - Travel Mug 450ml

They have other sizes too.

Have a great time tonight xo👑👸💙

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, it's had been busy. 

Nice, do you get your notification for SANE in your emails? I do remember seeing that you said you looked at my messages to you through it. 

I hate making phone calls too. I don't know why it's so hard. 

Yes, it is good. She is nice. She self-discloses a lot, though. 

Yeah well she said it would be good to have something when I am distressed. She doesn't know why I have never been given anything, and then maybe I wouldn't have been so bad last week. 

I am already anxious just for September. I see him next week on the 4th and 11th, but no, because someone took my appointment, and I'm in Hobart. The 18th, yes, and the 25th, no, as again, someone took my appointment. I am petrified of that. Maybe I should mention that to him. We could work out why and where it's coming from, maybe. 

Yes, I will let you know how it goes if I can tonight, but if not, I will let you know tomorrow. I have an MRI at 9 am on my hips. I might have some form of arthritis in my joints. 

Yes, I hope I can meet some nice people tonight. 

What are you going to do for dinner tonight?

Fair enough, I don't get takeaway that much. 

I just had a look. It's in the kids section? @ENKELI 

Oh, by the way, in your new profile photo, I can only see a bit of your cat's head, not their face.