I can’t cope

[Jynx]

@Captain24 you're really... tapping into something here I think. Why are your standards for yourself sooooo much higher and harsher than they are for others? Something that could be worth discussing in therapy, for sure! 

Also, maybe you do stuff up - so do we all when we learn new skills. You don't expect to be able to ride a bike perfectly on your first, second, or even 10th try. We all need training wheels to help us build up the strength to be doing it by ourselves. Happy to help be your training wheels in this! 

Take some deep breaths, remind yourself that you're probably extra sensitive right now (impending surgery will do that), and try again tomorrow. 

Aww thanks for sharing your sentimentality!! You're right, things with history and meaning have like...an energy about them - in my experience anyway. This is why I love antiquing! So many stories in old junk.... 😋

Ahahaha....both. I am both rearranging my house, and getting rid of the old stuff. Plus, to get to my house you have to go through a shed, cos I'm in a wee lil rear property. So had to clear that too so they could get the couch round the corner of the doors. Big job, not a lot of time - ADHD cleaning powerhouse-mode engage!! 😂

[Captain24]

I get the confidence thing @EternalFlower. It makes it so hard. I really don’t understand how people actually have to confidence to do stuff like that and I envy them!

I like hot water, lemon and honey when I have a cold and sore throat. I was taking that to work. I do get not wanting to make others sick but at work everyone (well that might be an exaggeration) was sick. 

Kids a great carriers of germs! 

[tyme]

True. Thanks for the reminder @Captain24 that visualisation doesn't work for you. It's good to get that reminder.

You haven't 'failed' in my eyes even if you feel you have.

Check this out: https://richardstep.com/dope-personality-type-quiz/dope-bird-4-personality-types-test-questions-onli...

Have a guess what my Personality Type is. Which bird? I've guessed yours 🙂

[Captain24]

I do know that it’s wrong to think that way but I just expect so much more of myself than I show. The whole perfectionism and not being able to put a foot wrong or say anything wrong. I was expected to be perfect at all times. @Jynx. No room for not being spot on or there was punishment and I’m not talking being sent to my room. 

I stuff up a lot and that’s what makes me a failure. I got the forbidden message again and my first thought was that I wasn’t welcome again. I know you said it was a glitch in the system but forbidden is a really bad term. I was forbidden a lot! It’s pretty triggering. I think I need training wheels for a while. Would love your help but don’t want to put any pressure on you. 

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. Hopefully I can get something right. Not holding my breath but will see. There is a bit going on and the surgery is forefront of my mind. That’s why my psych has made me make an extra appointment. When I’m meant to be sleeping mind you!! 

Im not really into antiques much more just family stuff. I had a pet rabbit and he was white, when my aunties and uncles cleaned out nan and pops house they found rabbit ornaments. Guess where they are! My great grandmother used to to collect teapot ornaments, I have one. It’s only little but it was hers. I have a few things sentimental. I just love it. I don’t think anything is worth any money but I’d never part with it anyway. 

So no rest for you for the next few days! It’s surprising how much we can actually get done when we have to! 

[tyme]

I may as well start the forbidden 403 club coz i'm in it too @Captain24 !

[Captain24]

You’re a dove! @tyme 

Im glad I haven’t failed you, thank you. It’s hard to change my mindset though. 

[tyme]

No way!!! I'm learning dove characteristics, but in real life, I'm not a dove by any means! @Captain24 

[EternalFlower]

@Captain24 i get the trepidation and sometimes moderator emails are so stressful to me including threats of being banned. I dont feel welcome here at all and sometimes it leads to traumatic and heavy feelings especially when I share openly. I then feel embarrassed and alone. I am scsred of all mods. I dont have an issue with peers. I might try a tea. I wish I could speak atm. I feel so annoyed as ive lost my voice. I do not think I can do much atm and just watching shows and being at home is boring.

[Captain24]

I did it but wasn’t paying for it @tyme. Where do you think I got, which one are you? 

[Captain24]

A tea sounds good @EternalFlower. I get the frustration of not being able to speak. I’m a loner and don’t really have anyone but my babies so I’m at home most of the time I’m not at work. I can go a couple of days with out leaving my house