not coping

[Snowie]

@outlander saw your post hon.

Sitting with you hoping things ease up a bit soon💕💕

[outlander]

Thanks @tyme @Jynx @Snowie

[outlander]

Adjusting to this new life is tough. I go to work and then have nothing to do. I just come home and sleep then go to work. If I’m not cleaning then I just sit and do nothing.

[Jynx]

I think transitional periods are always tough @outlander - doubly so for those of us with CMH, cos for a lot of us, interruptions to routine can impact feelings of safety. Going from a routine that was filled to the brim to one where you suddenly have a lot of time to spare would be a huge adjustment. 

Are there things you remember wishing you had more time for? Or some hobbies or crafty activities you could seek out and engage/re-engage with? 

[outlander]

@Jynx
My whole indentity has changed. I go to work with the same job.
Then I come home to nothing. I just go to bed. Everything I earn goes on bills or gets saved to try and pay a bill off faster and even then I still constantly get msgs about some sort of bill.
I don’t have family. It constantly gets proven that I don’t. I don’t have friends to hang out with.
My disabilities are affecting my ability to do anything and it’s not the same.
Can’t ride because of my disability and the people that I use to associate with only wanted me because I was of use to them.
I have no purpose now.
I’ll be loosing the house which means trying to find a rental and moving but even then when I move what will really change I’ll still come home to just me.
Even the ability to see beauty in the small things has gone. I don’t care to look or even when I see things I don’t care anymore it doesn’t give me any feeling. I have no interest in anything. I just sit in the silence in the house because I don’t want to watch tv or feel like doing anything else.

[Jynx]

@outlander that makes sense hun, that your sense of identity has shifted. Perhaps all you could think about before was getting time to yourself, not what you would do with it. And caring for someone can give a pretty hefty sense of purpose, so it's okay to feel at a loss now without having that to drive you. 

Perhaps you could talk to your psych about anhedonia rearing its head, and work together on finding your way through it all? I hope you can give yourself a break, take your time adjusting, and try to just take things one step at a time. 

[outlander]

I guess I also had people around too @Jynx I don’t anymore no one talks to me. If I wasn’t working then I probably wouldn’t speak to anyone for days.
I use to also ride but what’s the point when I can’t afford it and have no one to share that with.

My health costs me a lot and I still haven’t heard from ndis so have no supports either. I’m not able to afford the support workers like before so I had to cancel the service.

[Jynx]

@outlander yeah for sure, even if the social interactions were just for the purposes of discussing care-related stuff, being suddenly so isolated is bound to have an impact. I'm sorry things are so hard for you hun, but I have faith that you will find your way through and be able to create your 'new normal', and cultivate it to be fulfilling for you and for your needs.

[outlander]

Thanks @Jynx isolating and overwhelming emotions are alot. I wish I had more support but I don’t. Creating a new normal is a lot harder than I thought even though it is what is wanted. I wanted to get out of the caring role but the normal aspects of life really are hard.

[Jynx]

@outlander yeah of course! I think it's pretty normal to feel at a loss, especially because this is something you've wanted for some time. It's okay to be disappointed, confused, and frustrated with the whole process. 

I'll be heading off soon hun, but wanted to send you some huggles, and say that I am really rooting for you - we got your back throughout all of it 💜🫂