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Something’s not right

Daisy18
New Contributor

Undiagnosed partner with possible Bi-polar

Having it finally click that there wasn't something quite right with my partner may have been the best and worst outcome. I'm hurt, I'm angry, I feel hopeless. But believe me before that I felt good that it all made sense now ! 

I am currently experiencing an early pregnancy with the stressful label of threatened abortion. I was put on bed rest, no work, do nothing and keep calm and happy for 10 days. My partner was very supportive and loving until he decided to get irrationally angry over a stupid topic. I let him know that I was getting quite stressed by this  and to let's put it aside for now as I felt my health and mental state was a priority at this point. He ran away this day, the day we were to get a scan to see if the baby still had a heart beat.

 

At times living with him was hell you were always on edge. A constant emotional roller coaster and it was everyone else's fault but surely not of his own doing!  I have no idea how this is really affecting my 15 year old son he tells me he is fine. I explained to the doctor his behaviours, how it looks in our home because he needs it this way etc. I explained both my partner's father and older sister had schizophrenia but I didn't feel he had this. The doctor suspected Bi polar but without seeing him this was not an official diagnosis. I went home and I read on it for hours..... it all clicked into place ! It was mostly all there I could even figure out what type he was. I felt validated he kept trying to convince me otherwise over the years. I also felt immense sadness for him and gained further understanding. He always talked about his mind and how he suffered and what it was like but this took years mind you. But finally we had something to go on. Following instructions on how to broach the subject I called him checked if he was calm and went on to tell him my suspicions. He agreed to see a doctor. He then cancelled, told me he would in a months time. Next thing I know he tells me we must depart via text!  

It's been 3 weeks he still hasn't come home his stuff is still here. He says we are over. I've reached out asked if he was okay that I'm here. He keeps telling me we aren't together. But nothing is happening I'm stuck in this miserable position of wanting to help him but also to just move on with my life. I hate his illness !!!!! I hate how everything I read tells me to not take it personally !! Tells me he's not self aware in denial etc ! Who cares! Why couldn't I find any information, you tube videos on what it's like for the those on the outside. It took way more digging. All I know is that I'm trying to get through to him, iv given him space and he is so out of touch now he is saying crazy things that literally makes no sense and he is raging and the next he's some passive aggressive guru in touch with the universe and life lessons he learned from our relationship. The baby is fine he won't talk about the future on this and I can't help but imagine the worst for my family. 

I wish I found this forum earlier, maybe I would have done it better, maybe if I felt like there were others in my situation at the time I wouldn't have reacted. My mother doesn't understand my need to follow through and end it if that's what he wants because I'm done. As she says but he's not a bad man no he's not but she has no idea how dark it gets. But maybe some of you will and I just can't take it anymore. I really do recognise the strength of you all who do remain I feel sad that I don't have it in me. 

How do I get out of this situation? If he is behaving sorry but "not right" do I just make all the decisions. I don't think there is a way to get though to him now. 

 

 

 

 

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Undiagnosed partner with possible Bi-polar

Hi Daisy

It isnt easy living with someone with a mental illness and having just separated from my ex who has undiagnosed bi polar according to my psychologist after seeing her for the last 9 months she was the one to mention if his behaviours were more than depression but maniac? It got to the stage where he was causing my anxiety issues to escalate to panic attacks because of the secretive behaviours with his phone and constant texting at all times at night and criticism of me. The crux came when he told me he was moving in with a mate as I was not letting him do what he wanted. After trying for a year to get to him to marriage counselling or acknowledge he had mental health issues it finally took someone from his work to tell him to get help. This was after he had moved out and I made the decision to formalise separation. I did this for my own mental health as I need to feel supported and have peace in my life to help manage my anxiety. This was not something he could offer and I realised that I could no longer support him and told him this. You need to do what you feel is right for you Daisy. There may be fallout from others who don't understand what its like living with negativity and irrational behaviours but for your own sake and your children think about what you want from the life you have been given.

Re: Undiagnosed partner with possible Bi-polar

Hi @Daisy18 

 

I was reading your post and hoping someone would respond with answers to your questions as they are also my questions.

 

My partner went undiagnosed for 30 years. A year into our relationship and I put together the pieces, got him to see an excellent specialist. He was a lot more stable on the first round of drugs but after 6 months (without a relapse into his addiction) he secretly took himself off the medication. It's been 9 months of random behaviour and me not being allowed to mention his mental health or medication.

 

He's new GP put him on another drug and it's really not working.

 

I have no idea if I can and should tell him what to take. He's family offers no support.

 

And he keeps his secrets so I can't make him take his pills in the long run.

 

I really feel for you. You're not alone and you're not asking too much to have your needs and feelings respected.

 

best of luck to you and baby!

xx

Re: Undiagnosed partner with possible Bi-polar

Hi also have bipolar and Parkinson's also it is sometimes hard to admit even to yourself so I guess in trying to get him help when he doesn't want to admit he has it is what

Re: Undiagnosed partner with possible Bi-polar

I can understand how it would be hard to get through to your husband, and with him being in denial. My husband has undiagnosed Asperger's syndrome and is in denial about it.At the time when I was with him I felt like I was in a living hell and it took my14year old daughter to get me to separate from him. The life she and I were living with, with her father was affecting her and she said she couldn't cope with it any more so for the sake of my daughter I left my husband. I have been much happier as the result. I don't know if it's right to say that things may be affecting your son and he is putting on a brave front. 
Bipolar is different from Aspergers but I can identify with life being like a roller coaster ride.

I hope you can get some guidance and answers 

Warm regards and encouragement 

roses 🌹 

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