PTSD and loneliness

[MG2879]

I worked for the government for 20 years and got CPTSD out of it. I had to move out of suburban Sydney just to much kaos for my PTSD. But I'm now living around an over 55s population and with my illness I'm just really struggling to make new friends and I can't work and feel so lonely and isolated. Help, any advice.

[PeaceTones]

I was diagnosed with cPTSD and also worked in the government, Child Safety Department and although I managed my PTSD while there. After leaving and going through a healing journey myself, it did make me reassess my relationships. I ended up removing all family and most friends from my life over the next few years. This has made a difference to my mental health and sense of safety, but now I have to deal with the isolation. I'm not lonely, and I find peace in the quiet. However, I often sense that something is still missing. I know these are feelings of love, from someone and giving love to someone.

I don't trust anyone enough to change my peace and give someone else the opportunity to betray or hurt me. I wish I had some helpful tips to change this in your life, but I will share something I heard that gave me some comfort. 

I heard so many times, "Don't trust someone who doesn't have many friends or family in their lives" This always hits me hard. Like I was the one to be wary of, but I learned that this is not always a red flag. Therapists have told me, it can be a green flag that someone has done the work and recognised that when they stop being a people pleaser and learn to say "no", they are strong and emotionally stronger. They may not make new relationships easily, but when they do let someone in, it will be someone worthy, and they will love more deeply than they thought possible.

I hope this is true. I take my time to get to know people now, and I try to listen more than talk. Now I used a talker...Well, I am still, but only if I trust and feel safe with you. But by allowing them to talk, I allow them the opportunity to reveal themselves to me. I can look for cues. Something that I used to ignore or give the benefit of the doubt. I still hold hope that one day, the right people will be patient and stick with me while I learn to trust them and slowly reveal myself without any masks that I currently hide behind.

I've come on to the forum to find more ways to heal and feel less alone. i hope you too find what you need. 

[Former-Member]

@MG2879 @PeaceTones 

I worked for Federal Government for 30+ years and worked in various different locations during that time.  
I have variety of physical health conditions, some being work related.  The last location I worked in I was there for approx 10 years, majority of the time not feeling I fitted in.

My physical and mental health were suffering, made worse due to workplace bullying and discrimination.  I returned to work after having been on couple weeks planned leave and within few hours wanted to walk out.  That Friday I gave my notice and retired early.

since then I’ve moved to 55 and over lifestyle village where there are couple people who know parts of the real me.  Most people are friendly but don’t know the real me.

I know and share those feelings of loneliness at times.  For me it’s a feeling of missing the company, companionship and love, someone to talk with at times.  At the same I enjoy my own company, time and space to do my own things. Plus company of my cats.  

Saying I like and fully believe in …. Never trust someone who doesn’t like animals or that animals are scared of.

I come onto the forums when I want someone to chat with.  A place where people don’t judge.  A place where other people understand and/or have honest empathy.

dont have any answers.  I do hear you both.  Please keep chatting and reaching out on the forums

[PeaceTones]

I can totally relate and wonder if some of the feeling I have is due to a late diagnosis of AuDHD of my daughter and realising that I’m 100% the same. 
this has taken time to accept that my reality is different from others view if the world and that’s not a bad thing. 
I claim the alone time as peace and know I still need to feel like I’m part of something. 
the workplace bullying and early retirement is my life experience and wonder if people attack what they don’t understand, even if I’m not a threat to them. I just try my best to mask and fit in. 
I’m looking at over 50’s living and hope to find company in that environment as well. But still close to home to retreat to my safe haven. 
I'm pleased you mentioned this as I feel less alone through this format in the meantime.