I can’t cope

[tyme]

I hope she will be okay. It can be a life changer, but then again, with the correct meds, there is full hope of getting back to 'normal'. I'm glad you have be there for her and your family. 

@Captain24 

You have really com leaps and bounds even if you don't feel it. It can be so hard, but it's worth it.

Let me know how you go with your lawns tomorrow and I'll respond when I'm on next. 

Please rest up and I'll catch you over the weekend. Just a reminder that I'm off all week next week, but I hope to read along

[Captain24]

Hi @tyme @Jynx 

I rang my auntie today. She is sounding drugged up but sounds better than what mum was saying she was. We had an ok conversation. She thinks she is going to work next week but there is no way she will. She won’t be out by then but is totally not ready. She hasn’t come to terms with having a MI. It did take me a long time to accept it but I didn’t have a psychotic breakdown. I’m not sure she is ever going to get well. She had moments of being herself in the call. She has a really long way to go. Since she has bipolar she is comparing herself to me. Mine is 2 though and it’s a different bipolar. I can function and I can work and maintain a lifestyle. But only you guys see what’s underneath it all. I Rolfe her (and mum) that my cousin has the same bipolar as me and he is very different. Mum didn’t realise we had the same. He rarely gets out of bed, he doesn’t work and doesn’t function. So I tried to show that we all cope in different ways. It affects us all differently. I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing. My auntie wants to know what meds I’m on so she can get the same. She did ask mum what I was on but obviously mum doesn’t know and my auntie got really upset with her for not knowing. I don’t think she will ever be like me. I don’t think she will ever function ‘normally’ again. I am really hoping that they find the right meds for her and that she can but she refuses to see a Pdoc so she won’t get any help on the outside. So she is not going to help herself. It frustrates me when people won’t help themselves. I now I don’t help myself very often and I really frustrate all of you with not trying hard enough. I feel bad for frustrating you and I’m really sorry that I do that. Please don’t hate me for it. I really do try but I know that’s not enough. I need to try harder. Talking to my auntie has been quite distressing. I shouldn’t have called but it’s made me question so much about myself. Maybe I’m not doing the work I need. Maybe you are right and I should be trying harder. I’m sorry that I’m failing you all. I don’t know what else to do. I go to work. I see a Pdoc, I see a psych, see a dietitian and see a GP. I try to make a list for things to do during the day. I’m failing to do the list some days. Lately I’ve been really down and struggling with knowing I’m a horrible person, that I’m not worthy of you guys and that I am just a complete waste of space and don’t belong at all in life. I’m really sorry for letting you all down. Please don’t give up on me but I understand if you want to. I really am trying even if I don’t look like I am. 

Sorry for the ramble but it’s a little hard (or a lot) right now. It’s ok to not respond, I understand

[Jynx]

Sounds like a LOT @Captain24 - would be so tough to see that change in your auntie, and suddenly have all these inquiries about your own MH.

Don't worry hun, no plans on giving up on you!! Would be a violation of my deepest values to do that, so no way no how 😋

I hope this arvo is a chill one for ya? 

[Captain24]

It’s ok I give you permission. @Jynx Knowing you don’t want to helps though.

I have all the same thoughts just running through my head. [edited by moderator]

Im just watching tv and have done nothing on my list. [edited by moderator]

[holdinghope5]

Hello @Captain24 ,

Your post above has been edited by moderators to ensure your post stay recovery focused.

How To: Recovery Focused Posting can be used as a reference guide in letting the community know what you need, and posting in general terms e.g. "I'm not feeling the best with these thoughts, but I hope to connect with others as a distraction"

If you have questions about how to post within guidelines, you are welcome to email the team at team@saneforums.org

[Captain24]

I’ve been doing a lot of being recovery focused. I have been doing a lot of work. You obviously never see that just me having bad days. Everyone has them but I guess it’s not allowed in this space @holdinghope5 

Forget about it @Jynx 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 aye my to-do list likes to torment me, all chock full of tasks and no ticks 😅

Sorry you're feeling a bit lousy. Anything good on tv or is it more just background noise? 

[holdinghope5]

@Captain24 

We can see this is upsetting, but we need to ensure Community Guidelines are upheld forums wide. This helps keep the forums a safe place.

This is not to disregard your feelings in that you are having a bad day. We understand that people have days they don't feel so good. However, it is important guidelines are not breached.

As mentioned, Let the community know what you need or what you are doing to stay well. 

We can see you are trying. However, as moderators, we moderate each post individually, and if posts do not align with Guidelines, they will be edited/removed.

We would like to draw your attention to this guideline:

Unfortunately, your edited post did not "promote discussion that support recovery and personal well-being, even on the tough days".

You can read the guidelines here: https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage/title/community-guidelines.

If you feel you need to speak to someone 1:1, you are welcome to contact:

Lifeline 13 11 14

SCBS 1300 659 467

Or if urgent, call 000

If you have further questions, you are welcome to email the team at team@saneforums.org

[Captain24]

Just watching tv that I’m behind in. I’m watching home and away at the moment. 

Im just crying feeling like I’m not trying hard enough. I’m hurt and don’t belong on here. I’m in to bad of a headspace and I’m not welcome to feel bad. Only allowed if I feel good. 

Sorry @Jynx. forget about me. I don’t want to get into anymore trouble. I did want support but I guess I just have to go it alone and see where I end up

[Jynx]

@Captain24 you know you can post about being in a crappy mood till the cows come home - just so long as you let the community know what you need. It's not about not sharing your feelings, it's about letting the community know you're okay, or trying to be. 

Like, instead of 'Ugh I am so stupid why can't I get anything right.' 

Try 'Ugh, I am feeling so stupid, and like I can't get anything right. I could use a bit of encouragement.' 

It'll click eventually 😉