Lived Experience Forum

[Trauma0]

@NatureLover you're more then welcome, 

[Trauma0]

@NatureLover 

Why do I feel so alone even when in a relationship

Why am I filled up with so much emptiness 

Why can't I find it in my heart to trust my partner to hold and cherish my heart and not to shatter it into a million pieces (I've been with him for over 5 years) 

I have so many self doubts about myself because of how much I've been bullied and fucked around in my past 

I believe that im just going to be shoved to the side once my partner is bored of me and wants something new (even though he says to me he wants to marry me)(I still don't believe nor trust it)

I'm constantly battling flight or fight mode against weather or not to just break up with him because at the point I can't seem to get through to him when he just sits there and laughs at what I'm saying because that's how he copes with serious conversations and I can't express how I feel to him because I'm scared that his just gone laugh at me 

I'm so empty that I feel like I've got nothing left to live for 

I know I have things to work towards but it doesn't feel like I have any motivation to do anything because of how much dwelling this whole effing thing has taken on me I'm so tired exhausted having no mental compacity to keep moving forward with the positive things that are happening in my life 

[Jynx]

Hey @Trauma0 I am so sorry to hear that things are so rough, and that you're feeling so isolated in your feelings. I am hearing that you feel very worried about your partner leaving you, or that you will yourself need to leave. I think it's a pretty common trauma response to always feel like you're 'waiting for the other shoe to drop'. When we've been through really horrible things, our system can become over-tuned to any possible sign of that pain occurring again, even in a situation where it is highly unlikely. 

Have you expressed much about how you're feeling to your partner? I saw you said that he just laughs when you try to talk to him, but that you recognise that might be one of his defence mechanisms to deal with emotional situations. How would your partner respond if you let him know how you feel when he laughs things off? 

I hope that you're able to give yourself a break - sounds like you're carrying a lot and you're even struggling to engage with the positive things in your life. Sometimes a rest and reset can go a long way. Is there anything you could postpone or take time away from to give yourself time to replenish your energy? 

[ArraDreaming]

@Trauma0

I just wanted to let you know I am here sitting with you.
To be completely honest I am a bit lost for words, I experienced a huge amount of trauma as youngen too.
The things you’ve said about the meds and the counsellor not working for you all struck a cord.
But I want you to know life got better I’m 29 now and there is now way even 6,7 years ago you could have told me I would be where I am now I saw no hope for my future.

I am sitting here with you, and always happy to chat. @Trauma0

Like I said, I’ve been through a bit so I need to be honest with you that I can sit with you and chat and I would like to be mates with you on here, but some of the trauma is a bit difficult for me still

[Trauma0]

@ArraDreaming 

Hey Darl I'm 22 and I'm sorry about the trauma you've been through, it must be hard having to go through the things you have been through all of my trauma I haven't even been able to completely heal I've gotten 45% there healed but now I'm back down 2% because of so much that I've been through with my trauma and I'll be glad to be mates with you on here then that way we can work together to you know start healing in a way because I once heard if you heal with someone who's got similar problems you'll be able to finally have somebody to talk to about it and finally have that closure that you have somebody who understands you and what youve been through 

[Trauma0]

@Jynx thank you for reaching out to me I appreciate it so much 

[tyme]

Hey @Trauma0 ,

Great to meet you. Thank you for sharing a little about yourself. I can see how trauma at such a young age has really impacted you.

We are here for you.

What are some things you are interested in? What keeps you going?