Not handling meeting new people - why can’t people just be upfront?

[Coco-star]

Hi there, not sure if anyone will read this but I am struggling with my ocd symptoms and intrusive worry around a new relationship / acquaintance. 
I started getting to know a support worker and (I am Audhd pmdd late diagnosed) I am considered high functioning and mask pretty well. 

I’ve seen this worker 3 times and she has now led me on twice over last two weeks with possible meet ups and vagueness around shifts. I get rejection dysphoria but I’m trying to be mature about it this time and I’m proud I have not lost my mind… but maybe soon as I can’t sleep and can’t stop ruminating on what I have done wrong. I just feel like I started trusting this person and now she is trying to slowly let me down gently but not directly. She is kind and genuine but just saying she is really busy with her other clients and her family which I am being very understanding about and flexible with my times after saying to me she could do consistent day of the week and got my hopes up about activities we have in common and I felt like there was a connection. But maybe it is one sided from me. 

I’m just really confused as to why she can’t say she doesn’t have the capacity for me or can’t help me/ or i pissed her off in our last session maybe as I was pretty moody and depressed. 
I think I have relationship OCD and obsessive worry, it’s somehow activated all my past traumas I thought I was over.

It felt like she stood me up on the weekend and I had a huge meltdown because of it I was doing well after taking my stimulant med and handled the changes in plans fine and then I crashed hard once I got home. If someone gives me a time I am going to show up then as it’s a value of mine to show up on time.

I also have been diagnosed with ptsd which has been worse for me trying to get out and about and not be so fearful outdoors. Does anyone else struggle with obsessive worry/ thinking and insomnia… 

[rav3n]

hey @Coco-star!

i'm sorry to hear how hard this has been on you. from my understanding, support workers can have pretty intense case loads and sometimes cancelling/rescheduling's tend to happen more. at the same time, if she's aware that her capacity has been met, perhaps she could've been more honest about her limits and encouraged you to find another support worker. i wonder if she's pushing her own limits/capacity to try make time for you due to the connection you both have, but it's unfortunately not holding up on her end?

does she know how much these changes impact you? you deserve to have supports that understand and have the capacity to follow through with appointments. it might be good to talk through your needs with her (i.e. plans being followed through) and see if she can recommend another support worker if she's not able to meet it?

i know when things like this happen, it can be easy for our brains to blame ourselves or think we're the problem. but it doesn't sound like this from my end - you both seem like lovely people. i hope things smooth out soon 💗

[Coco-star]

Thank you Raven for your comment 

i feel so silly for losing it and just wanted to be easy going but I feel like the child in me just had the biggest tantrums hah. It’s been a hard journey. 

I have handled it maturely I just don’t know how to process and understand when there isn’t straight forward communication. I think she is a bit the same in the way we over explain ourselves but just need to get to the point of things maybe if it’s going to be a support worker relationship (I think because I’m older too past supporter workers don’t really believe I have autism or pmdd and they don’t think maybe I need help. I mainly just need prompting and connection and body doubling most days. so they think they aren’t doing much maybe?

I used to be a support worker too so I try to be understanding especially with sleep over shifts and burn out. 

thank you for chatting to me about it 🌸

[26March24]

Ahhh this is the best response and I also got something out of it to help me.

thank you 

[rav3n]

nooo it's totally okay to feel upset by it! sudden changes make me frustrated too. i usually need time to mentally prepare for things, and when my plans get changed, i need a moment to feel my feels before i move forward. self-talk's been helpful in overcoming the frustration more quickly for me @Coco-star 

it's a tough spot to be in, but i can see that you're trying really hard to be understanding and patient with your support worker. i really hope she does pull through and become more consistent with her scheduled visits. 

in the meantime, the forums community is here for you! if you're looking to connect more, i'll leave the link to a few of our social spaces to check out if you'd like, no pressure ofc 💙

What has been your highlight today, no matter how ... - SANE Forums

Friends, Family and Carers, Fancy a Cuppa and a Ch... - SANE Forums 

[Coco-star]

Thank you for your responses - they are actually really reassuring- I feel much better today and more positive self talk like I have worth and value whether this works out or not. My insecurities are my downfall sometimes 😆
I hope she comes back because I’m not scary all the time haha - my partner is super supportive and open minded too. Thank you @rav3n 🤗🧘🏻‍♀️🌼

[Coco-star]

I’m not sure why that extra symbol got in there at the end? I didn’t do that sorry !

[rav3n]

aww i'm so glad 💙 @Coco-star 

i can relate to my insecurities making my thoughts spiral and feeling uncertain too, so you're not alone. your partner sounds like a great support for you too! do keep us updated and let us know how things go for you ✨

also i forgot to mention earlier - i removed a medication name from your post, this is just to align with our 'limit detailed descriptions' guideline. you're welcome to talk about meds generally (i.e. ADHD meds, anti-depressant meds, etc) but we just avoid specific names - hope that helps 😊