Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

It is true the person chose to not share the details because they did not want to further bring pain into my life. I am trying to see this as a act of love. Protecting thing. 

Today has been awful. The prison is my bedroom. He does not want to be with me at all. Does not want to hang out with me. It hurts because it feels like rejection to me. Why marry someone if you don't want to do life with them. Don't want to share the ups and the downs. Don't wish to share even the same bedroom. 

So I think I will just forget totally of ever hoping that my happiness in life will be found in him.

It's like we are house mates and that's it. Maybe not even that. He hardly even is aware I exist. I am married to this man. Is this is wgst marriage is supposed to be like? I am mostly by myself here. Where is the companionship, where is the shared laughter, where is even sharing meals together in the sane house? Please, oh please some one tell me.

I cannot even get a job to help myself. As my confidence is so very low. And I may or may not have cancer. I don't even know. So that sometimes pokes it fearful head at me. Fear not is what God says.

I am trying so hard it seems, but why does he not love me Lord. Why? Am I so unlovable, a piece of dirt. Not worth knowing. Am I just so turned onto myself, so selfish. Full of self pity and feeling sorry for myself? I am sorry, all I want is just to know and experience what it feels like for my husband to love me. I do not even know what it is supposed to feel like. 

[Former-Member]

The feeling to run and run is upon me. Run away from this. 

[Former-Member]

Unpleasantness and mild hostility meeted me this morning. From Mr, in the kitchen. I think I feel bitter. Got to get rid of that from within me. Hate the bitter feeling.

Sorrow is there, from another issue in my life. 

[Former-Member]

New meds no good, sh again last night, next to no sleep. I hate me so much, I loathe the way I look the marks from all the self harming isn't helping but I can't stop doing it.  It's going to be  all day one I am not looking forward too at all. 

[Adge]

I'm still in shock, from losing my job (Covid Casualty) on Monday, 2 days ago.

Have not got as far as planning, or looking forward yet.

Focusing as much as possible on self-care, trying to centre & calm myself.

Kind thoughts (as much as possible), to everyone.

Adge

[Former-Member]

I just can't get anything right anymore. The more I speak the more damage I do. 

[Former-Member]

Same with me @Former-Member , sorry you feel that way. 

For me, I wish I wasn't alive (not trying to upset and trigger anyone or say this for attention and/or sympathy but it's true).

I have nothing good to offer and whatever I do and say is wrong to everyone, as hard as I try. Just wish I wasn't around. Everyone and everything would be better without me.

[Former-Member]

I felt bitter the other day. I really hate that feeling. If I don't deal with it... well things just snowball from there.

I don't feel bitter anymore.

[Lee82]

It keeps playing over and over and over in my head. I don't know how to make it stop. It's like I can see it happening behind a piece of glass in a room where I can't hear anything I can't say or do anything. All I can do is watch. I punch the glass till my hands bleed and I scream till I have no voice left but know one can hear or see me. I can't stop crying. It's so hard to breath. I feel every thing that is happening inside the room. I feel it all. 

[Millieme]

Struggling. Everything has gotten so big that Its harder to start. The hands on stuff like housework, where its gotten so out of control its just overwhelming. Struggling to stay focussed on anything for more than a few minutes and my work is piling up and taking me hours and hours to do what should take 1 hour. motivation is so low and it feels like i'm just scraping the bottom of the well all the time. no sleep. So many things on my to do list but feeling frozen. theres family court and divorce issues and work issues, kids sick and struggling issues. and other things. Keep being swamped with memories and bad things and freezing. Nightmares stay with me all day, feel numb or completely overwhelmed. i try to do the mindfulness and grounding but it is exhausting as well having to constantly have to try so hard. its childish and pathetic but i want to say to someone that its not fair. its not fair that my entire childhood was abuse, that i married someone who was the same and that even after leaving him and trying so hard to be ok i havent been able to be ok. When is it fair enough for someone to give up? When there isnt any treatment options or support available or anyone to care or help,, when theres noone to know who you are or be a part of your life in a personal way either, when even paid professionals dont follow through on anythign they say or can't because there just isnt the services available in your location, is it fair enough to say enough is enough? im tired of hurting