18-05-2020 07:08 PM
18-05-2020 07:08 PM
It is true the person chose to not share the details because they did not want to further bring pain into my life. I am trying to see this as a act of love. Protecting thing.
Today has been awful. The prison is my bedroom. He does not want to be with me at all. Does not want to hang out with me. It hurts because it feels like rejection to me. Why marry someone if you don't want to do life with them. Don't want to share the ups and the downs. Don't wish to share even the same bedroom.
So I think I will just forget totally of ever hoping that my happiness in life will be found in him.
It's like we are house mates and that's it. Maybe not even that. He hardly even is aware I exist. I am married to this man. Is this is wgst marriage is supposed to be like? I am mostly by myself here. Where is the companionship, where is the shared laughter, where is even sharing meals together in the sane house? Please, oh please some one tell me.
I cannot even get a job to help myself. As my confidence is so very low. And I may or may not have cancer. I don't even know. So that sometimes pokes it fearful head at me. Fear not is what God says.
I am trying so hard it seems, but why does he not love me Lord. Why? Am I so unlovable, a piece of dirt. Not worth knowing. Am I just so turned onto myself, so selfish. Full of self pity and feeling sorry for myself? I am sorry, all I want is just to know and experience what it feels like for my husband to love me. I do not even know what it is supposed to feel like.
18-05-2020 07:13 PM
18-05-2020 07:13 PM
The feeling to run and run is upon me. Run away from this.
19-05-2020 09:46 AM
19-05-2020 09:46 AM
Unpleasantness and mild hostility meeted me this morning. From Mr, in the kitchen. I think I feel bitter. Got to get rid of that from within me. Hate the bitter feeling.
Sorrow is there, from another issue in my life.
20-05-2020 06:03 AM
20-05-2020 06:03 AM
New meds no good, sh again last night, next to no sleep. I hate me so much, I loathe the way I look the marks from all the self harming isn't helping but I can't stop doing it. It's going to be all day one I am not looking forward too at all.
20-05-2020 01:34 PM
20-05-2020 01:34 PM
I'm still in shock, from losing my job (Covid Casualty) on Monday, 2 days ago.
Have not got as far as planning, or looking forward yet.
Focusing as much as possible on self-care, trying to centre & calm myself.
Kind thoughts (as much as possible), to everyone.
Adge
20-05-2020 03:17 PM
20-05-2020 03:17 PM
I just can't get anything right anymore. The more I speak the more damage I do.
20-05-2020 04:31 PM
20-05-2020 04:31 PM
Same with me @Former-Member , sorry you feel that way.
For me, I wish I wasn't alive (not trying to upset and trigger anyone or say this for attention and/or sympathy but it's true).
I have nothing good to offer and whatever I do and say is wrong to everyone, as hard as I try. Just wish I wasn't around. Everyone and everything would be better without me.
20-05-2020 08:44 PM
20-05-2020 08:44 PM
21-05-2020 12:53 AM
21-05-2020 12:53 AM
It keeps playing over and over and over in my head. I don't know how to make it stop. It's like I can see it happening behind a piece of glass in a room where I can't hear anything I can't say or do anything. All I can do is watch. I punch the glass till my hands bleed and I scream till I have no voice left but know one can hear or see me. I can't stop crying. It's so hard to breath. I feel every thing that is happening inside the room. I feel it all.
21-05-2020 11:39 AM
21-05-2020 11:39 AM
If you need urgent assistance, see Need help now
For mental health information, support, and referrals, contact SANE Support Services
SANE Forums is published by SANE with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health
SANE - ABN 92 006 533 606
PO Box 1226, Carlton VIC 3053