Is it okay to use the word "crazy"?

[Oby46]

Hi everyone,

It's been one very long, hectic day. My head is still spinning a bit.

For months I have been reading posts on this forum and I have said before how much help it is whether it is just reading about other people's situation for perspective or reading tips and learning things I didn't know about dealing with somebody who has MI.

I had come to terms with the fact I have very little influence since my partner, I should say ex-partner, decided to end our relationship. Still I couldn't switch off how much I cared for her and for better or worse we were still in contact albeit not very regularly. I know she was still suffering depression at least as much if not more and she was still not getting proper treatment. In the little contact we were having she was still very open with me about her feelings. Honesty was never an issue between us which makes today's events even harder to comprehend.

She has become convinced she is able to have visions. She calls it remote viewing. She believes she has always had this ability and she wants to use it to help law enforcement and solving crimes.

Before I had a chance to get my head around that she tells me for the past week she has been having constant visions about me. Visions that involve me being with another woman. Vivid and explicit.

She goes on to explain how she wants me to be happy and we aren't together anymore so it isn't cheating but she still feels hurt because I am "lying" to her if I don't admit the visions are real. She says the only alternative is she must be crazy and needs to be locked up. The only partner she had before me many years ago did cheat on her and she had these same visions about him. He told her she was crazy.

I always thought the word "crazy" was a bad one and I avoided using it. I certainly don't think she should be locked up. I couldn't admit to something I didn't do but I had no answer when she kept asking me if that means she is crazy.

Then she told that the visions caused her so much pain this week she thought she was crazy for sure and she thought about suicide. It has been a long time since she got that low. She didn't elaborate but she said she prayed about it or meditated this morning and it gave her clarity so she's doesn't think she is crazy.

Should I admit these things I didn't really do just to let her believe the visions so she doesn't think she is crazy? If she is feeling "okay" now and the pain she was feeling has gone should I leave well enough alone and hope she finds proper care one day before she has another bad episode like this week?

[Appleblossom]

@Oby46 It is a difficult situation, but I dont believe you would do any good in admitting something not true, not for yourself or your ex partner. 

Perhaps you are right and it is related to her earlier experince and it is similar when grief is triggered we can feel earlier griefs.

Has she had psychologocal support and therapy?

It is sad if she persists in demanding that of you, but there are ways to think about the imagination that are more symbolic, dream-like and not so black & white. 

[Oby46]

She has had some psychological support and therapy but not in my opinion often enough. Maybe twice a year she has a counselling session. She refuses to go to a psychiatrist because she believes they will only offer a different drug and she doesn't want to go through the withdrawals and reset involved with changing medication. She thinks the medication she is on is the best she can find and everything else is up to her own efforts.

On the other hand she has spent countless hours chasing help through those psychic things and for whatever reason keeps turning to them regardless of how unsuccessful they are.It's clear to anybody around her that she continues to suffer but in her mind she thinks she is getting better all the time and learning so much about herself and the "skills" she is now convinced she has.

In hindsight she spoke about these so-called skills a lot of times when we were together and I think I brushed over them too much when I might have nipped it in the bud if I was stronger with her. I will never know. I did feel at the time if I was too strong it would just push her away and I would have no influence at all. Now that's all just academic. She's gone and I have no influence but I can't stop worrying about her anyway.

[BambiFawn]

Hey @Oby46, 

My mother believes she is psychic and she used to tell me ' she could read me like a book'. She was regularly consulting psychics and she even took my 13 year old daughter in her care to a psychic in England.  My Christian Solicitor told me that it is mind-altering and confusing to take a minor in her care to a spiritual medium and we wrote to my mother expressing our strong objections. 

Ya definately, going to a psychic or practising such is witchcraft it says in the Bible and of the occult.  If your ex continues down that path with psychics and developing psychic gifts she could get more depressed and suicidal, as tarot and the psychic realm are making one open to demons and bad spirits.  Your ex appears to still love you and these visions of the other woman are making her feel ill.  Telling her she is crazy, is not a very nice thing to say sometimes, but sometimes you have to say such a word as one has to be blunt and honest and this may wake her up and realise that the other woman is in her imagination and an illusion or delusion she is having. 

Telling her to get more counselling or see a Therapist could really help her. Tell her there is no shame in it or having a mental illness.

[Oby46]

I nearly used the word when we had our last conversation but she suddenly mentioned how her previous ex more than 20 years ago had accused her of being crazy and tried to take her daughter away from her. Then she pointed out it was the one thing she was glad I wasn't doing.

All I can hope for now is her daughter who is quite smart and doesn't believe in anything supernatural will eventually see her mother needs better care than she is getting. She's only in the past few years broken out of the teenage selfish phase and she's still learning how to treat her mother with more kindness. She loves her dearly and wants her to happy but she has almost no patience and she always struggled to understand MI. She always ends up being quite insulting and very hurtful when she gets frustrated with her mum's depression although thankfully as I say she is learning as she is getting older.

[BambiFawn]

Dear lovely @Oby46, 

You seem very kind and caring to your ex, which is good. You could try saying you don't like to use the word ' crazy', because her previous ex used the word and you don't mean to offend her.  But tell her that you are not being mean or trying to insult her, but just to wake her up to the fact that these visions of the other woman are a 'lie' and falsehood and 'craziness' in a way.  Then tell her she should get 'help' from some health practitioner kindly.  Kindness in your words and tone will help her realise you are well-intentioned and trying to 'help' her.   

[greenpea]

 I use the word 'crazy' to describe myself when I am psychotic ... that is me describing myself. My son who has schizoprehnia can be 'crazy', is 'crazy' at times I would never say it to him I use the words psychotic to him ... does that help? 

[Oby46]

I think if I was an American it might be a bit like the N word or any word that is often used in a derogatory way. Using those words on yourself is okay but not okay for other people. I think.

[Former-Member]

Is it alright to use the word crazy? Like any word, it is the intention behind verbal expression that deems it appropriate or not. If someone is using the word crazy to demean, belittle or abuse anyone it's definitely not okay (and that includes ourselves). But if it's to express something that doesn't make sense to oneself - e.g. What?, that's crazy! or "the worlds gone crazy" or "I am concerned about Joe Blow because he is acting crazy" - in that context it's okay. If it's not used towards others or oneself to demoralise it's okay in my book. 

To express someone who had her child removed because "she was crazy" is demoralising to the person it's aimed at. So not okay in my humble opinion. In that case the appropriateness there is "she had her children removed from her because she became unwell through mental anguish" - keeping the onus on the reality "that it is an illness" thus "not allowing an illness to define as who she is - aka "crazy", (giving birth to stigma).

So if a loved one whom is struggling with mental illness saids to me "Enigma I am crazy", I would reply "no not crazy, you are unwell and it's an illness like any other and is treatable".... - keeping the dignity of the ill person intact.