Depression anxiety

[Lula]

Hello @MJG017  and @Jynx 

I wonder if one of you, or anyone, is reading this now.  I am feeling so bad with anxiety.  I feel weak and sick in the stomach, my head is spinning a bit, I want to cry and I can’t, it’s such an awful feeling. I’m not used to this and I’m here alone and I don’t know how to cope

[tyme]

Hey @Lula ,

You are not alone. I'm sorry it's so hard for you today. 

Is there someone you can speak to? Hopefully it will ease things a little?

Lifeline 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/ 

Lifeline Text Support 0477 131 114 https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-text/ 

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ 

What are things you can do to distract you from this challenging thoughts?

[MJG017]

Hi @Lula.  I just got home and saw your post.   Sorry to hear the anxiety is so bad today.  Is there anything in particular that has triggered it?  Im here for you if you want to talk about it, or anything else.  Maybe writing about something you enjoyed in the past will help take your mind off things.  Whatever you feel you need right now.

[Lula]

@MJG017 

Thanks M for your reply. I’m wrestling BIG TIME with how people hear (talking) or read (text messages) words and can get absolutely the wrong message, because of the way THEY interpret what another person says.  Hearing or reading the words can take on completely and incredibly different meanings that way, and cause so many problems.  That’s what a lot of what I’m going through has been about.

I’m feeling like I will think ten times before I text again, and even then be SUPER careful about what I say. On the other hand I feel like I won’t be able to leave home or use the phone for fear of saying something that someone takes the wrong way. I will be nervous about opening my mouth.

Have you ever been through that sort of thing ?

[Lula]

@MJG017
Thanks M for your reply. I’m wrestling BIG TIME with how people hear (talking) or read (text messages) words and can get absolutely the wrong message, because of the way THEY interpret what another person says.  Hearing or reading the words can take on completely and incredibly different meanings that way, and cause so many problems.  That’s what a lot of what I’m going through has been about.

I’m feeling like I will think ten times before I text again, and even then be SUPER careful about what I say. On the other hand I feel like I won’t be able to leave home or use the phone for fear of saying something that someone takes the wrong way. I will be nervous about opening my mouth.

[MJG017]

@LulaThis is exactly why I think I come across much better to other people using text rather than face to face.  I have to be very careful not to be misinterpreted but I can take as long as I like to compose, edit, and go over what I've written until I'm happy that i'm ready to send. 

Face to face though I find difficult.  I tend to put all that thought and thinking into the few seconds I have to speak back to someone and I don't like saying the first thing that comes into my head, because i'm not confident doing that.  I'm i'm not 100% sure then I freeze up thinking.

I remember once about 25 years ago, friends invited me over to do something on their computer for them.  Being the 'computer guy" I was always the one they called when they needed something done.  I got there and they said it was some help with Microsoft Publisher they needed some help with.  I had used this software quite a bit so I knew I could do whatever they needed help with.  They opened the file, I looked at it and it was a card to go out to everyone to announce the face they were expecting their first child. 

Now a somewhat normal person would say "congratulations!" or even give a thumbs up if really stuck for words.  Not me though... I panicked.  I still remember it so clearly.  I started thinking about what to say.  Then after what seemed like ages I started thinking that the pause had gotten too long and now I needed to think of something to say AND explain the pause.  I just froze in this endless loop of panicked thought.  I'm ashamed to say, I just ended up saying nothing.  I still think about what they must have thought about me not saying anything.  But I just get some paralyzed by thought that no words came out.  I literally couldn't think of anything to say that didn't sound foolish in my head.  Then the panic that the pause was getting too long just made it too much.  How hard is it to just say "Congratulations!" at the very least?  But I was put on the spot and I was caught up in trying to think of the right thing on the spot, it was like my mind what spinning at a million miles an hour but nothing else was moving.  It was like an out of body experience, I wanted to slap some sense into myself! 

That as the most extreme example I can think of, but it's hardly the only one.  I did get better at it over the years but someone springs big news like that on my now, and I still feel a lot of that awkwardness and fear, it's just that I can usually muster up something to say, but it's still a struggle.  Of course, I then worry that what I said was wrong or not good enough, or to casual, or too serious... Needless to say, I'm not good at this.

I still do occasionally write something to someone and it gets misinterpreted as something I never even thought of and I feel humiliated and like I might as well of called their child ugly or something terrible like that.  Fortunately, it doesn't happen very often. Well, that I know of anyway.

I've always considered myself a reasonably intelligent person, but communicating with people has always really baffled me.  I'm so unsure of myself and so uncertain and so scared of making a fool of myself or saying the wrong thing that I just learned to say nothing, and it's still something I really struggle with.  When I was younger in was really, really hard, much worse than now, so I tended to just avoid people because I was certain I would open my mouth and humiliate myself. 

[Lula]

@MJG017 
Thank you so much for your reply M.  You really tugged at my heart strings because of the discomfort you experience in communicating verbally with people.  Since reading your email I’ve only spoken with a close friend who is interstate, so that was not a problem at all, but when I have to get out there in my community this week I think I’m going to be nearly tongue tied with apprehension.

Why does life have to be SO hard ???  I’m asking the universe M, not you, because of course you don’t have the answers either.

My struggles were eased a little bit yesterday, and I’ve kept fairly busy today which helped, but basically the struggles are still there. I’m hoping that the little bit of ease grows by tomorrow and more the day after.  I live in hope.

bye for now M and thanks again

PS: if you are involved in restructuring this site can I suggest the “Email me when someone replies” box be put at the bottom of the email, Tks

[MJG017]

@Lula 

The older I've gotten while still struggling with the issues, the more I think there's something seriously wrong with me.  Why do I find such a simple thing so difficult?!  It's like finding breathing or blinking or coughing difficult.  Except this has cost me almost everything I ever wanted out of life, and I never really wanted that much.

I'm lad to hear things were a bit easier yesterday,  think that's a positive sign you're at least heading in the right direction.  I think we'll always struggle with these issues, but it's a case of just trying to make it so it becomes easier over time.  There will days were we go backward a bit and those really bad days.  But it's important to remember that's not a failure, just a set back.

I'm not involved in any restructuring here, I just provided some feedback to the people doing it.  It should email you when someone replies to you automatically.  @tyme, @Jynx, or @Shaz51 may have more information.  As far as I know you can check by clicking on the little 'avatar' icon for your account up near the top right.

as shown here.  Clicking on that will bring up a menu.  If you select 'settings' you will be taken to your account settings.  There should be an options that says Don't send me any community emails with a small square box next to it you can select.  Make sure this box is empty and is not ticked. If it's empty then as far as I know, you then should get an email everytime someone tags you in a post.  It will also show you your email address, it this screen... just make sure it's correct.  It should be, you probably wouldn't have been able to make an account if it wasn't.

Let me know if you need any help and I can look into it some more.

[Lula]

@MJG017 

Hi again M

Oh M - this is a classic ! . I gave you the wrong impression by MY words. When I said “I think I will think ten times before I text again” etc I was being silly (ha ha) and a touch over the top. If I could have used an emoji it would have been different.

I will be very careful in future about texting, but I won’t be THAT nervous about talking out there away from home, but I will still be careful there too.

You do know that it’s not all on you if something goes wrong when you’re talking/texting with someone don’t you ?  Other people have a responsibility too. Of course.

I’ve been looking on this page for the “how to’s” of how to navigate this page, from the beginning - is there anything ?  The Guidelines don’t have anything useful like that, but I will look again (its just occurred to me I probably missed something because I rush sometimes)

thanks M

[MJG017]

@Lula 

Yeah, it's so easy to do with text, without hearing a voice all that subtlety in how the words are said is gone.  It's so easy for the tone of what you write to be misinterpreted, because the only information to go by is just the words. 

I admit, like a lot of things I think, it not all on me, but it just feels that way a lot of the time.  Maybe because I've always had to rely on myself.  I don't really know, it just easier to blame ourselves I guess.

The only info I know about for helping with the forum is this page...

https://lifeline.saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage

It's not exactly highly detailed instructions but just have a play, click on everything and you'll figure it all out.  I'll keep sending you messages to give you a lot of practice 🙂