I can’t cope

[EternalFlower]

@Captain24 i hope you're okay

you did well sharing you were okay and still being honest about what you feel

honesty is needed, and its not good to cover up or conceal traumatic or SI thoughts. Thank u for trusting the community.

I hope you will hear some voices from peers who do care and support.

[Captain24]

Thank you for listening @EternalFlower @RiverSeal @TunedIn 

I don’t think I have ever written a post like that or shared my feelings in such a way.

It has been brewing for a while and work the last few days has pushed me just too far. Being treated with just disrespect hasn’t been helpful. If I had the sick leave I would call in sick. 3 nightshifts is hard enough without feeling the way I do. 

Just releasing and getting it all out has made it real. I have written it down for my psych to be able to finally tell her exactly how I feel. I she her this week after her having 8 weeks off. Maybe if she had been around it lighten have gotten to this point. However, she deserves a break too it must be such a hard and draining job. 

[EternalFlower]

@Captain24 your help seeking and openness is excellennt - i know its very rare as we all tend to bottle it up, even unconcsciously. While its very hard to know how to moderate or respond to such thoughts i persoally believe that once u start sharign it, (with the right ppl) there can be a lot of movement

if it's okay for me to share, i felt the same last week, i had a doctors appointmetn at about 3pm and at maybe 11 or so the thoughts were out of control. I was telling myself i shouldnn't be so distressed, and didnn't need crises help, as the doctor's appointment was so close and approaching.

I remembered that i matter annd called the CATT team, who noted I was on the verge of crises, and referred me to be treated onngoing by a case manager. In that case, the call led to me accessing more supports. I know often reaching out isn't productive.

3 night shifts when not feelinng amazing can be very triggering. I was just wandering how you're coping over the weekend. Is it alonng weekend where you are? That can be hard for some ppl

[RiverSeal]

Glad it helped @Captain24! RiverSeal ❤️ ❤️ 

[Captain24]

Writing that post has had me really stressed an I woke up a couple of times during the day. I was scared that it was too much, I was scared I had written the wrong thing and I’d get banned. @EternalFlower 

It’s certainly ok to share. I’m sorry you were at crisis point but I’m so glad you reached out and were able to get the support. 

Nah. It’s not a long weekend. I just have to get through tonight and work is done until Friday. I’m going to go down and see my psych in person which I’m not sure is a good idea but I’m going to go anyway. It’s 4 hours away which will make for a huge day which is what is worrying me. But I think the drive and sitting in the beach for an hour or so will be beneficial. The beach is my happy place but it’s just so far away. 

[EternalFlower]

@Captain24 i feel the same and often worry about getting banned- so i totally relate. I find it triggers a lot for me around power, authority and moderation. I think like that as well - i know which is the hardest day or time and i feel if i can just get through that spot, i'll be okay. Thank u for saying that about my recovery, i appreciate it. I'm still in the mix with it now, they told my on Wednesday they'll let me know about assigning me a case manager. i feel like its been a hard road to get here so i don't know where to hope. But if they do assign me someone it will be a step forward.

That's a long drive to see the psychologist! But people drive and travel long distances for what is important to them. When my car broke i spent a lot on taxis (as someone living below the poverty line) because i wanted to see my therapist. I think relationships are important so i can undnerstand that it would be something you'd feel is worth prioritising. Sorry you have been scared to post, but just letting u know as someone living through similar, your posts help this one person. so thank u for sharing and being honest.

[Captain24]

I’ve been threatened in the last week so that’s why it’s concerning. @EternalFlower. It is really triggering and getting the emails make things feel worse. I know what you mean. I just haven’t worked out the days and times yet. I wish I could. 

Im glad that they are assigning you a CM. That gets the ball rolling and so much support can follow if you are in a larger area. Mine was limited as I’m in a rural town. 

We usually do Telehealth but I go down occasionally to keep that personal contact. I met her while I was in hospital and shared deeply with her there and that’s how our patient relationship started. I only go in summer when there is enough daylight as it’s hard to deal with all the roo’s I have to deal with them to and from work so just a little less stress is better. Plus I don’t want to be thinking about that while having my appointment. 

Im glad it helped you. I’m so sorry that it’s a hard time for you. 

[EternalFlower]

@Captain24 i have been threatened as well so I understand that. I also have gone through periods of struggling with SI, and found it hard to disclose. I am learning now that if anyone mishandles my disclosure its their problem and i move away and share more with those who can hold space. I understand not everyone can. 
Seeing as your in rural locations, it can be really hard to get supports i hear. But tbh its also hard in the suburbs. The hopsital near me is a big one, and I've been saddened by their lack of mental health support to me. I feel that if you can find a supportive person, department, or team, its half the work. I haven't found one just yet, but I'm not jaded. I realise I have the strength to overcome this and keep looking til I do. I'm sorry you felt threatened and fully understand. The emails are not easy at times. A lot of ppl are scared to open emails etc. It can feel like a power move from someone to "tell u off" It is good to remember that the services are for us, not to "manage" us

[Captain24]

Sorry it’s been hard for you as well @EternalFlower but I guess it is what it is. 

Rural is so hard. All my appointments are Telehealth except for my GP and it’s an 8 weeks wait if you can get in. It’s so hard out here. The doctors surgeries have closed their books to new patients. They closed them last year and the is an influx of people moving here and they have to go to surrounding towns to see a doctor. The closest town is an hour and a half away! 

Im sorry you have a leather hospital and still struggle. Hopefully this will get you ‘in’ and be seen and heard. 

[tyme]

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@Captain24 wrote:

So my biopsy has come back cancer free! @tyme @AuntGlow @Jynx I fell into that 25% category! 

One less thing off my mind. It’s a relief. Doesn’t really lift my mood much but has me a little more at ease if that makes any sense. 

Now to face the place I don’t want to go to. 

Have a good night. I’m hoping too but probably won’t. I know I know… it’s the wrong attitude but it’s the way I’m feeling. It’s going to be a long night. I’m tired and really depressed and want to just call in sick but I can’t, I have to face it

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I just read about your text result! Wow! I thought it was 25% cancer, but it sounds like it was the other way around! What a relief!

But I'm also mindful that you migh still have to be cautious in the future?