I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Taking them to the library sounds good. Did they have any school holiday things in? @tyme 

I realised a lot today. I’m actually feeling ok. Mentally. I also noticed that I’ve been talking to myself a lot more. Not necessarily positive self talk but more sensible self talk. If that makes sense. 

I went to an event at work today and was late getting there so I missed the start and I think it was probably important. But what the lady said was interesting. I think she had self image issues. She has Alepcia (sorry don’t know how to spell it!) so she is bald. She now embraces it and walks around proudly with no hair. She was all about giving things a try. She runs 4 businesses and is making a killing. All her business were cheap start ups that she has grown. She was really inspiring to listen to. If she is feeling low she allows herself a day to wallow in it and then has to move on the next day. She was so confident and positive. It was really good. 

I’ve hurt my neck today. It was like my head and neck bounced and pushed my spine downwards. It’s pretty sore. I had to catch the bus from the pit to the log off point. I got out and half rolled my ankle when I reached the ground. I didn’t fall but I stumbled a little and now it’s throbbing. 

It’s freezing cold here. The wind is like ice. There must be snow around. Mum said it rained in town. We have a really bid event in this weekend. Like 20000+ people will go through the gate. So it always rains this weekend. Even in the drought! If for some reason it doesn’t rain it’s icy cold! 

Anyway.. how are you? 

[tyme]

Wow! Things sound so busy on your side of the world!

Is that the annual event at your place where heapsa ppeople from everywhere come? @Captain24 

It sounds really bad about your back. I hope it doesn't give you too much stress the next three days. Do you have to report that you rolled your ankle?

IN terms of workplace dafety etc, when it's super cold, do they have anything in place?

I read part of a book today, and my takeawy was "When students are ready to learn, the teacher will appear". In otherwise, when we are ready, we will be able to move forward. This reminds me of the self-talk you are doing. It doesn't necessarily have to be positive self-talk to be effective. It's about being able to break the cycle of harmful thinking. 

I find I do a lot of self-talk. It helps be get out of really hard situations.

Have yo had a shower to thaw yet @Captain24 ?

[Captain24]

The one you’re thinking about is another one. It’s all about wine and food. This one is different. It’s more rural. @tyme 

I do feel good though. Just a big day of stuff and realisations 

Im suppose to but I’m not. It was end of shift and I didn’t want to have to stay and do paperwork. Plus I don’t want all the shit that goes with it. My back either. 

No.. nothing for the cold. It’s going to be ridiculous over the next few nights. Just have to deal with it! 

I like that. It’s so true. I think that’s my dietitian. I’ve finally agreed to eat better. I’m trying really hard at it. Just hoping I can try long enough for it to become a habit! 

My psych will be cheering that I’m feeling better. I have reduced my meds again though so I have to be careful. But I can enjoy it while I’ve got it. However the side effects should have kicked in by now. Maybe I’ll make it through this reduction! 

I was driving home from work and I was behind this slow car. My thought was to speed up and go around it. My self talk said to wait as there is an overtaking lane just ahead! So I waited.  I had to do a time consuming job at work tonight at the end of shift. I didn’t have enough time to do it and I was stressing, I didn’t know how I was going to get it done. I said to myself that it wasn’t possible, to do half and get it handed over to next shift. It stopped the stress. Is that a good progress? Or am I just kidding myself. 

Yes I’ve had a hot shower and the water stung behind one of my knees. Sigh.. my work jeans have given me a rash! I still have to wear jeans for the next 3 nights!  

[tyme]

To be honest, if it's 'just' the rash that's the issue, I gotta say suck it up because the fact that you 'feel better' is HUGE!!!!  

It's been a dark valley and it's taken a long time to get to this point. You've really lifted my spirits. And yes, eating properly may make a difference too. It feeds the brain and can really impact mood etc. With my experiences of disordered eating, the negative thinking and the disordered eating was hand in hand. And the more I didn't eat properly, the worse the thoughts are... so much so that it was like the chicken or the egg scenario.

I really hope it's onwards and upwards from here @Captain24 . I really want this next admission to be a solidly therapeutic one where you are able to focus on the therapeutic work and not just the crisis intervention. 

HUGSSSSSS to you @Captain24 

So proud of you.

As for rolling your ankle, is there a way you can do it online? I've always done mine online with the different places I've worked.

What time do you start tomorrow?

[Captain24]

I think it’s eczema! @tyme. I haven’t had it for absolute years! But I know it’s nothing compared to my mood!

It has been a hard slog. I’ve had days of feeling ok but this feels different. It kinda feels whole..

I know what you mean about the incorrect eating habits. I nearly ordered pizza the other night but I had to tell myself NO as I had fresh food in the fridge that was healthier. (More self talk that I did t realise!) I would have felt guilt, bloated and disgusted. 

Thanks for your proudness!! I feel like I’ve earnt it. I hope I’m on the right trajectory. 

Nah.. there’s no online. It all has to be investigated and photos taken. 

I leave at 5:30 tomorrow night. 

[tyme]

eczema! Geez! As soon as you get one part 'right', then the other flares up! I don't know much about eczema... I get dermatitis from bandaids, certain detergents and stuff, but I don't get eczema @Captain24 Is it steroid cream you need?

Also, what can you do about your back? It sounds chronic. Hope you don't have to crawl to the toilet like what I've had to do in the past. 

It sounds so amazing that you feel 'whole'. It's been a long time since you last felt this way. It's a breath of fresh air to be honest. 

I'm glad you are looking after yourself with food. 

I had this really weird drink at Starbucks today. It wasn't nice, but it wasn't bad bad either. It was cold brew coffee with ruby grapefruit and honey... the kids hated it. lol.

Anyway, I'm going to clock off soon. I'll see you when I see you next!

[Captain24]

Sorry. I fell asleep last night. @tyme 

I only get eczema mildly so I’ve never done anything about it. I can’t wear band aids either. I’m allergic to a lot of stuff so I have to be very careful. I get raised hot red welts and my face can swell up badly. My lips can look like a puffer fish!

My back isn’t that bad it’s just sore. My weight has a lot to do with my back. But I do have a bad one. 

Im hoping the eating is helping. Im hating having to tell myself dietitian that she was right 😂 

That drink sounds horrible. Bug I don’t do coffee anyway. 

I hope you had a good night. If I have time I’ll pop in before work. 

[Captain24]

It’s not even 11 yet and I have done all my housework including washing the floors. I’ve had a shower and made my bed. I’ve been grocery shopping and packed it all away. Just waiting for the dishwasher to finish. 

Im about to drop the dogs off and go to bed to get ready for nightshifts.

Im a little big proud of myself. 

[rav3n]

wowww! that's so amazing to hear @Captain24! i hope you're VERY proud!

you might be in bed by now, so hopefully i'll catch ya next week. hoping your night shifts go okay 💗

[tyme]

I think you are leaving soon for work. I won't be around when you get back tonight. @Captain24 .

I went to the dentist early this morning, then I went to get my car washed but the car place was out of order.... 

So then I went to do come volunteering at the church youth group, and then I went home. That's it. I hope to get an early night tonight and might spend some time with the kiddos.

Please take care @Captain24 . Speak to you next week. Actually, Saturday, I think I'm online. I'll message you when I'm online. Then Sunday I'm off....

Arghh, my brain!