Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

[And-016]

@Fatima  - concentrating is often something that is hugely impacted by grief. My personal experience was that I never know if I could fully concentrate again, I worried about being able to complete study, hold down a job, etc. It did return, but at a point where I'd written it off.

[Former-Member]

@Heartworks it sounds like you have been bombarded with so many struggles all in the short span of 8 years. Glad to hear you found Elisabeth Kubler-Ross a helpful author on the grief subject. I have heard some people disagree with her 'stages of grief' model - moreso the idea that grief follows a chronological set of stages - however she is definitely one of the most renouned authors on the subject of grief. I love that quote too "It will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end". 🙂

[Heartworks]

@awe absolutely! I think freedom is what you do with what has been done to you as Jean-Paul Satre once said. 😉 

@Fatima Little steps help. Maybe read a chapter at a time rather than a whole book or perhaps a talking book in the car to help you feel as though you can get away a little 🙂 

[And-016]

The theme of being "stuck" is, in many cases, another myth; that if we reflect on our grief, if we re-tell the circumstances surrounding our grief, that we are dwelling and we are stuck in our grief. We are rarely stuck – even though some people might wish our grief passed more quickly.

[Heartworks]

@Former-Member The quote is courtesy of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and yes, but like with anything, it has provided me with a greater sense of empathy and compassion and I think, I hope, I have become a better listener, spouse, mother and friend in my own group of dear family, treasured friends and extending that to those I meet 🙂 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Heidi1 and welcome 🙂 

That is definitely a helpful point. Assuming that we are 'grieving wrongly' would surely discount our own unique and individual experience, and leave us feeling worse? 

@awe and @And-016 have you ever felt anxious that there is a right or wrong way to grieve, or compared your own grief experience to others?

[And-016]

We are more likely to become stuck in our grief when we are shut down, not when we have the opportunity to explore the grief in our lives. The chance to speak openly and make sense of our experiences out loud with a receptive person or people, like Awe said, helps temper our grief.

[Shaz51]

Yes @Former-Member, I have changed over time , I am not the same as I was years ago , a better wife , daughter, step mother

[And-016]

@Former-Member - yes, I think the "am I grieving correctly?" question creates great anxiety. But grief is so individual; there are so many factors that impact on the shape of our grief.

[Former-Member]

@Heartworks oh yes that's where I heard that quote from originally - The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, what a great movie 🙂 It sounds like you have great insight and personal reflection around your grief experiences. What do you think about the idea that grief can be one of life's greatest teachers? Has this been your experience?