I can’t cope

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 , yes, I wanted to check in after your appt today. I hope the results were okay??? Is the surgery for a biopsy sorta thing?

[Captain24]

The surgery is to remove it and put I medical device in to my uterus to prevent more from growing and I probably won’t get another period with it in. Just spotting daily for the first few months. @tyme 

[tyme]

Wow.. technology is just so wow. @Captain24 

Remember how you mentioned pausing all the meds, hormone related stuff etc? So where to from here?

How you feeling about it all?

[tyme]

I'm going back looking at all your photos from your trip again @Captain24 . I reckon I'd be able to sit there all day just watching the waves.

So powerful and serene.

[Captain24]

I really have no idea what happens next. Whether I can or ever will be able to take hormones for perimenopause. @tyme 

Im a bit nervous.. I’ve never had surgery before other than my ingrown toenail that had to be surgically removed instead of the one under a local. But I was just a toe not anything internal. 

Also all I know is the date and that it’ll cost over a grand. No time of when the surgery. No information at all other than the date. My organisation and planning doesn’t sit well with it all and it’s causing stress

It was amazing and I could easily stay all day. Apparently adhd and water go together! 

[tyme]

Sounds like a day surgery? @Captain24 Is it a private hospital, and that's why it costs so much?

Just say you couldn't pay, does that mean you go on the public waiting list and just your turn?

Appears that there are a lot of unknowns! No wonder you can't plan for it. I sense why there is a lot of stress at the moment.

What about when you are feeling up tight, you bring yourself back to the wonder of the waves and the rocks under the sun?

[Captain24]

Yeah it’s day surgery. So mum or dad will have to take me over and then wait around until I can be discharged as I can’t drive for 24 hours after a general anaesthetic. @tyme 

Im going private. My hospital excess is $500 and his gap fee is $500 then I have the anaesthetic gap on top of that. It’ll be done at a private hospital and he will be my surgeon. If I go public it’s a 12 month waiting list and can’t guarantee who will do it. Im not waiting that long. 

Yeah. My ASD isn’t coping with all the uncertainty. I need things organised and planned. 

I have trouble with that. I struggle to see things, I don’t see pictures. So if you say picture an apple I can’t actually do it so it’s hard for me to re-visualise a moment. So you know CBT and visualise leaves on a stream. I can’t do it. 

It’s just another thing that makes my

life difficult or makes me appear difficult for not being able to do it. I don’t mean to be difficult 

[tyme]

Yeah. It's prob not safe to wait that long either, right? @Captain24 

I'm glad you have your family to support you at that time. 

Speaking of family, your bro still okay with his partner?

[Captain24]

It’s quite large and will continue to grow, it’s 90% not cancerous though. @tyme But also the sooner it’s done the sooner I don’t have to worry about heavy periods or period pains. That’s part of why he wants to insert that thing. 

I rang mum when I came out and said that they will need to take me big one will have to stay home as they will have 3 dogs! The hospital is 1 1/2 hrs from here. 

They seemed to get along at the dinner we had. So I guess so. I still think he is paying for everything though. He has gotten a second job and she doesn’t work. 

I’ve done all the washing and ironing from when I was away and bathed the dogs. I have no idea how many loads of washing I did but the machine was going from 7 until about 2 then the dog towels after bathing them. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 You could still practice without necessarily posting it? Practice is the main thing, that's how we learn and develop our skills.

Eh, up to you hun. Throwing ideas at you, up to you to choose the things that resonate/are most meaningful to engage with. 💜

Oh it sucks being harried when trying to enjoy nature. It's why I choose my bushwalking partners based on how willing they are to stop and look at moss and bugs with me 🤣

Oh don't call me out like this 🤣

Alas, it looks almost the same as it did 6 months ago 🙃

But it's okay, I am not gonna shame myself over it. There will come a day when the ADHD-hyperfocus-overdrive-cleaning-mode will kick in and I'll clean up like 3/4 of it in one 36-hour frenzy.... or something 😂😝