Lived Experience Forum

[Anastasia]

You are so kind, thank you @WIP . I wish I knew you irl too. Grateful for what we have here 🙏💕

You are sounding positive so well done. Aways here for you dear L. Bug cuddles to you and gorgeous Levi 🐾🐕❤️

[WIP]

Not feeling very positive @Anastasia 

I have a psychiatrist appointment Wednesday morning before DBT class, and I'm stressing about it already. He's going to order me into hospital ASAP &'I'm not just mentally ready for it. I still need to do some prep work to shift my perception of going in under his care and also letting go of previous admission experiences.  I'd like to push it back a couple of weeks & that will give me a little more time to reduce my daily dosage of AAs on my terms, not within the confines of a hospital room.

I still just can't get past not being able to trust this pdoc. I don't like him at all, which isn't a good foundation for a working r'ship.

I'm trying to stay calm while Mum is away, but I'm already struggling.

Donyou have much on for the weekend! x

[Anastasia]

Can you put the appointment off a couple of weeks? Wasn't your psychologist looking for a new pdoc? Buy some time maybe? @WIP 

[WIP]

Thanks what I've decided to try and do, however he only practices on Wednesday morning - the same day as my DBT course @Anastasia 

I've just emailed the consulting suits to see if he'll fit me in at 9.30am on the 17th. He made room for me at 9.30am on the 10, so maybe I'm be lucky.

the unknowing is causing me so much anxiety. I was doing alright, but haven't been sleeping again and woke in tears again. 

A referral has been sent for a new pdoc -'I have to wait and see there. They all have at least 6 weeks waiting lists. And that's if they are taking on new patients. It's so stressful..

[Anastasia]

It would be @WIP but sticking with him sounds like it's doing more harm than good. Fingers crossed the Universe will sort it out along with you're pycologist. Keep me posted hun xxx

[WIP]

I'm not hopeful @Anastasia 

Fewlomg so very deflated. And I no mama land at the moment.

[Anastasia]

I hear you sweet L...such a long lonely path, it's not fair. Walking with you dear @WIP 

[WIP]

I'm so upset @Anastasia 

I can't think straight, it's been another day of uncontrollable tears. I always struggle when Mum goes away, as it reminds me how very alone I am. And are stuck with a medical practioner who makes me feel unheard and insignificant. When I'm so alone, it's so easy to believe what he says.

I don't want to live like this anymore, but what's the alternative?

[Anastasia]

I'm so sorry @WIP 

I know you struggle with your Mum away...I'm there with you in spirit holding your hand. Pop me in your pocket for extra strength whilst she's away. Please also use the chat feature in the SANE site or call, they are really good listeners and it really has helped me before. Can you put something on tv to allow your mind to wander? Here's some relaxation music I use just in case that might help? I love you L and I am so sorry you are struggling extra hard today 😔💕

https://youtu.be/79kpoGF8KWU

Hello also to @Emelia8 @Eve7 @Snowie 🌹💕

[WIP]

Thanks @Anastasia Ive popped you in my pocket.

I just can cope with these intensive waves of emotion. I'm trying to utilise what DBT skills I've learnt so far, but my mind is filled with fear about seeing this pdoc on Wednesday and having him talk down to me and ordering me into hospital ASAP. It not that simple, I need Mum back from her trip to look after Levi, I want to have lowered to a certain dose of AAs by myself in the outside, so he doesn't rip me off cold turkey or very quickly where I'll experience horrendous side effects. Plus  my niece & nephew are coming to visit in school holidays and I want to be as close to stable as I can for when they are here.

it's all too much to think about and navigate by myself, I'm in a tiss and can't come down. I hate being like this. I hate it.

im trying to watch some tv, but it's not working. I just keep bawling my eyes out.

im on my own, what's the point I keep asking myself.