@Determined, our Older Son has a clearly defined specific learning disorder, and some other neurological "oddities" combined with otherwise very high IQ.That made schooling a severe-anxiety inducing nightmare for him. Education curriculums don't handle "boiling hot and freezing cold at the same time" very well.He was too leaning-disabled for the gifted students program, and too intelligent to get funding for remedial support, despite the fact that he struggled to write a single coheret paragraph.
Our Older Daughter's ongoing struggles have some characteristics that suggest the involvement of some sort of neurological disorder too. Really hard to pin that down under the ongoing cyclone of psychological disorder, but there's too many oddities that go right back to when she was a baby. Way too early to be due to a purely psychological disorder.
Then we've got our younger two- who are neurologically normal, and psychologically resilient despite pretty extreme trauma via their Older Sister's MI.
Genetic inheritance is a random thing. Even though there's a ten year gap between our two daughters, we had no idea at the time that there was any reason for particular concern. Even now, we have no idea whether the problems that have turned up in the older two are genetic, or due to environmental factors (possible chemical exposure to my Hubby, or problems during childbirth, which seemed minor and inconsequential at the time, but who knows?)
"What you have done" is you have been co-creators of a human life that is valuable simply by virtue of being human, and reflecting its creators. Human and divine. None of us know at the time of conception what lies ahead for our children.
Life can throw some hard things at us. As you know, I grew up in a family that was messed around by Mum's probable BPD. I've had all sorts of other "barriers" jump up in front of me through my life, including a completely out-of-the-blue life threatening brain tumour. I've officially got an "Aquired Brain Injury", but while it looks a bit drastic on an MRI, I'd challenge anyone to pick up any difference in my day to day function-thankfully. I went through the better part of a year of Younger Daughter's toddlerhood wondering if the post op neurological problems were going to be permanent, and trying to plan out a future for us that worked around me having a disability. If that had been the end result, it would have been hard, but we would have worked with it. Am very thankful it wasn't, because if I'd had imparied memory and other neurological functions, I would have been less able to support Older Daughter. Who, via her MI, has thrown up another complete set of "barriers".
So what I'm saying via my long waffle- yes, your boys will face problems as they grow up, and through adulthood. This does not need to make their lives any less valuable, or worth living. I'm pretty cofident that our Older Son will find his way in the world, in his own way, eventually. At the moment, his biggest barrier is that his life is so entwined with Older Daughter's that he hasn't got much opportunity to make his own way.
Older Daughter... We have no idea what sort of outcome we're looking towards for her. Without psychological recovery, to be honest, her future looks bleak, and her survival is in doubt. But at the same time, we're not ready to give up hope. And even if she doesn't make it through, the life she's had has still been precious enough that we've fought for her to keep it. But in all honesty, she is in an "extreme" state that is thankfully rare... not too many people are so deep in the MI cyclone. (Which is easy to forget in Sane Forums company, where a fair few of those weathering the cyclone, personally or as carers, have come together. 🙂 )
Most people face their barriers and find a way to work within or around them. With encouragement and support, I'd expect your sons to also find their own way in life. It may not be the same path as everyone else, and maybe their "high" achievements may not look as "high" as everyone else's, but you will know the true value of what they've done against the odds.
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